Wednesday, November 7, 2007


The flipside of confidence is that every draft has at its heart a question mark. Even with the ego it takes, what you want is the response "I'm with you." And if not that, "I'm with you except where the king spills his chili. If it were Saltines, then -" and it's like a lightbulb. Of course! Saltines!

What's hard is the burning red-faced shame at having thought and then written "chili" at first. The urge to always remember it as "Saltines" from the first draft. Years later, remembering how well the King spilling his Saltines scene reads, why can't you write that way anymore? "Well, of course, the Saltines came from deep in my psyche, a childhood moment of desperation and melancholy brought to the surface by--" when No it didn't.

So here's the vulnerable moment: I'm writing "chili" right now and I'm doing it underlined because I have to believe. When in fact there's a question mark because I'm not sure yet.

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